Frank Lampard Replaced by Hello Kitty

Man, we are so lazy that we couldn't even wrap up the World Cup at all and we haven't posted in three weeks. Granted, there is not much going in the summer besides a buttload of transfer rumors and those silly preseason friendlies. But still, we have no excuse.

However, a story has come along that has awoken us from our summer slumber. Chelsea's England star Frank Lampard is being melted down to form a new, golden super-footballing cartoon character: Hello Kitty. Well, almost.

As it says in The Sun, 5000 24-carat gold Frank Lampard Signature Edition iPod Touches have gone unsold and are being melted down to be remade in to special edition gold Hello Kitty iPods.

The Sun quotes a TV source as saying:

"They thought loads of people would want them during the World Cup but the backlash against England was so bad that they've had to scrap the whole thing."

Right, it couldn't be selling poorly because a poor world economy has forced people to think twice before spending £599 on a gold music player endorsed by a guy who doesn't play any music. Apparently even manufacturers of precious metal mp3 players are affected by Lampard's goal that never was against Germany.

Also, if you look at the article on the Sun website (linked above), the picture of the back of said iPod reads "4-500" most likely meaning only 500 were made. Quality reporting from The Sun (as always) saying 5,000 are being recycled when most likely its a tenth of that number.

At least Lamps was trying to raise money for the Teenager Cancer Trust with the iPods, and has already made an upfront donation. Its unfortunate the new profits will go to such a shady character like Hello Kitty, who will probably just use it to feed her catnip addiction.

Germany v Spain

Wow, what a game this is going to be. This rematch of the Euro2008 final (which Spain won with a first half Fernando Torres goal) features a possession-heavy La Roja versus a high-flying Die Mannschaft. Two years ago the team from Iberia proved their superiority, but while they have remained essentially the same, the Germans are younger and playing to the beat of Jurgen Klinsmann's drum (which was, of course, passed back to Jogi Low in 2006).

The historical playing styles of these two countries seem to be reversed. Spain has prevailed in their last three games by only a goal, whereas Germany thrashed England and Argentina by scores of 4-1 and 4-0, respectively. Die Mannschaft has played arguable the most entertaining football of any team in the tournament, moving quickly from back to front and finishing with ruthless efficiency (those last eight goals came from 13 shots on target).

Spain has been up to their usual business, patiently knocking the ball around the midfield and defense until their opponent's defensive shell shows its weaknesses. Spain will look to reach their first ever World Cup final, but they first must break down Germany's defense.

Here are a few key elements of tomorrow's game:

• As mentioned, Spain will need to crack open the German defense, and they certainly wont be able to do it aerially.
• The absence of Thomas Muller. One of Germany's young starlets, the gangly, seemingly uncoordinated winger has four goals and three assists but is suspended thanks to another soft and undeserved yellow card.
• Midfield battle. Its Schweinsteiger and Sami Khedira versus Xavi and Xabi Alonso. Sergio Busquets might be tasked with containing German no. 10 Mesut Ozil, which is no small task as the young playmaker will pop up all over the pitch all game.
• Fernando Torres. He has been god awful in every game and Spain's offense only seems to come alive when he is subbed off. Will Vicente Del Bosque gamble on him miraculously finding form? Or leave his rusty legs on the bench in favor of Pedro or David Silva and move David Villa to striker.
• Who scores first. If Germany strike first, they will be able to absorb Spain deeper and hit harder on the counter attack. Vice versa, Spain will patiently knock the ball around and the Germans will spend a lot of energy winning it back and be forced to pressure high up the pitch, exposing their back line. Whoever finds the net first will most likely win this encounter.
• The pressure. The Spaniards are notorious for faltering under high expectations and are hoping they shook off that monkey two summers ago. Germany, ever a tournament team, have it in their blood to perform at this stage; they've reached the final in four of the last seven Cups.

If this semifinal is as good as today's, we're certainly in for a treat. Germany doesn't mind sharing the ball whereas Spain treats it like the last ball on earth. Two Golden Ball potentials, Miroslav Klose (4) and David Villa (5), have prolific records with their national sides and a nose for big games and certainly will not be taking their foot off the gas now. Nothing says a World Cup semifinal like two countries with such pedigrees, and it is very hard to predict a winner. That being said, my gut says Germany, even though Paul the octopus says otherwise. While the cephalopod seems to have crushed the hopes of his home country, German fans can find solace because, although he has been correct until now, for the last Euro final he incorrectly picked Germany over Spain--that was the only game he got wrong.

Oranje Final

One thing is for sure: we are going to have and all-Euro final which means that finally they will win a World Cup away from their home continent. The perennial homebodies finally sucked it up.

Netherlands beat Uruguay today 3-2 in a thrilling semi-final. This means that Luis Suarez, he of red card, goal-line saving, really-not-that-big-a-deal-it's-not-cheating-it's-deliberately-breaking-the-rules-everything-was-done-to-the-T-and-Gyan-shouldn't-have-missed-that-penalty fame will not get to play in the final. All those complainers, whiners, moaners, and sissies can finally shut up about how he should be given a further ban, or be castrated, for his African-hope-killing sending off in the quarterfinals. (This was me addressing the topic without wanting to waste time on a full article. Steve McManaman said there's nothing wrong with Suarez's play, and he once fought his own goalkeeper.)

The scoring was opened with a 41-yard thunderstrike from captain Geo Von Bronkhorst that will most likely be the goal of the tournament, unless some one scores a bicycle kick from outside the box or something just as ridiculous.

Diego Forlan provided a bit of magic before half with a swerving, left-footed equalizer that bent enough to wrong-foot Stekelenburg from 30 yards out.

Overall, the Oranje looked impressive, but not dominating. Many times they gave the ball away cheaply in the midfield. Van Persie, who did not have a great game anyway, looked isolated up top. Usually they are Clockwork Oranje, but the gears didn't always looked meshed as they moved the ball up field as they ground out a win.

On the positive side, the Dutch were very strong in the back. The first goal was a result of giving a marksman like Forlan too much space. The second, coming in stoppage time, was a result of an over-committing young winger (Eljero Elia, though he anticipated the short free kick well) and a good finish that somehow went through a sea of bodies.

In addition, the Dutch will be at full strength on Sunday. Nigel De Jong, who inexplicably only picked up two yellows in five games, returns to the midfield. His replacement, Demy De Zeeuw, well hopefully remember who he is by Sunday after getting his brain scrambled and mouth bloodied by a bicycle kick to the face from Martin Caceres. Gregory Van der Wiel also is back from suspension. Whichever left-sided player they face in the final will be happy not to face Khalid "The Cannibal" Boulahrouz.

The second goal was lucky but well-deserved. When you have that much attacking talent, goals are inevitable. They must find their fluidity if they want to be crowned champions.

The Netherlands is now in their third final (1974 and 1978) and may just finally achieve what they haven't been able to do in their illustrious history. They will have to overcome bitter rivals Germany, or a slick-passing Spanish side that will also be looking for their first Cup.

But first they must find a place to stay.

Uruguay v. Netherlands Preview

After watching nearly all of the games in South Africa thus far, I'm having a hard time believing that the WC Semi-Finals are already upon us. But I shouldn't be, this is how the WC always is; short, sweet and full of surprises. This year is no exception with Uruguay facing the Netherlands in tomorrows Semi-Final in Cape Town. It will be the first semi for Uruguay since 1970, having won the whole thing way back in 1950, and 1930. The Dutch return for the first time since 1998, having never won the whole thing, making them perhaps the best footballing nation never to win the Cup.

But enough about boring history, as no current player had anything to do with the previous tournaments, except possibly for Dutch defender Andre Ooijer, aka father time. It comes as a surprise to many that both squads have made it this far, with Uruguay having to face Costa Rica in a playoff just to reach the tournament and the Dutch beating the legendary Brazilians in their previous match. Yet neither side will be content with their success, being so close to the finals. Just because Uruguay are lucky to be here, doesn't mean they'll go down without a fight, we all know they'll use all kinds of crazy, desperate, and intelligent ways to advance.

Speaking of which, neither team will be at full strength tomorrow, due to suspensions and injuries. The Dutch will miss central midfielder Nigel de Jong and right back Gregory van der Wiel to yellow card suspensions, but the good news is that central defender Joris Mathijsen will likely return from his knee injury to replace the aforementioned Ooijer. While the absences of de Jong and Van der Wiel will be tough to replace, the situation looks much more grim for Uruguay.

First, the obvious; star striker Luis Suarez will miss out due to his handball that saved Uruguay and helped them reach the match in the first place. Also suspended is defender Jorge Fucile, while Nicolas Lodeiro is out with a broken foot. However, perhaps the biggest worry of all for Uruguay is captain and defender Diego Lugano, who has been one of the tournaments most outstanding players to this point. The Fenerbahce man went out early in the Ghana match with a knee strain, and will be a game time decision. The problem is that even if Lugano is fit enough to try and play, any slight problem with his knee at a crucial moment will be all it takes for the likes of Arjen Robben or Wesley Sneijder to take advantage and put one in the back of the net. While it will not be portrayed as such, the untimely injury to Lugano is the key to this match, and will no doubt aide in the flying dutch attack.

While the Dutch attack led by Sneijder has been strong, the play of Dutch keeper Maartin Stekelenburg has been stellar as well, particularly in his last two matches. In a short tournament such as the WC, the in-form players are usually enough to take their team though, particularly if the squad is the more talented one. Thus, I see no reason as to why the Netherlands will fall to Uruguay in Cape Town. They have two players on top of their game, and an embarrassment of attacking riches with which to break down the Uruguay defense, who have been terrific thus far. While the absence of the tough tackling de Jong will really hurt the Dutch midfield, the absences of Suarez and possibly Lugano will be far too much for Uruguay and their star Diego Forlan to overcome. The Uruguayans should be applauded for a terrific tournament thus far, but it won't be enough, as I expect the Dutch to tough out a 2-nil win, and march on their way to Johannesburg for the final on the 11th.

Quarterfinals, Part I

Seven games from now, we will have crowned a new world champion at the 2010 FIFA World Cup from South Africa (eight if you count the consolation match). Only eight teams remain, and South American is strongly represented with a team in each quarterfinal game. Europe's three best teams, the Dutch, the Germans, and the Spaniards, will be trying to halt the Latin America onslaught. (Side note, thinking that France or Italy would be here or that England or Portugal was a European favorite is just ludicrous.) Ghana is still Africa's last hope and certainly wont just lie down.

Tomorrow first game is Brasil v Netherlands in Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. The afternoon features Uruguay and Ghana at Soccer City in Jo'burg.

Brasil v Netherlands:

RGaucho-Brazil over Netherlands 2-1

Brazil's win over Chile was very impressive to me, as it was the first time I was able to fully appreciate Gilberto Silva and his continued stellar play for Brazil protecting the back four. In addition, Lucio and Juan are playing spectacular positional defense, making it seem as if a very dangerous and skilled Chile attack had no chance of scoring. Thus, I'm picking Brazil to beat the Netherlands because of their superior defense. In their previous match, the Dutch allowed several stellar scoring opportunities for the Slovakians, which will come back to haunt them against Fabiano and Brazil. Look for Brazil to soak up a lot of pressure against the fearsome Dutch attack, displeasing joga bonito fans everywhere, but allowing Brazil to defend and score several quick goals, sending Dunga's men into the semis.

cornezinho-Brasil over Netherlands 2-0.

As good as the Dutch have looked, they've no really faced a worth adversary and have yet to spark to life. Waiting until you meet Brasil is not a good time to try and light the fire. Both teams play a 4-2-3-1 with fullbacks flying up the wings, holding midfielders to protect the back line, and one out-and-out striker supported by wingers and a free man beneath him. Brasil only has to worry about Michel Bastos (who plays forward for Lyon) containing the quick-footed Arjen Robben. However, by now everyone HAS to know that Robben is only dangerous when cutting into the left and shooting with his favored foot. Push him wide with the help of Gilberto and make him cross; Lucio and Juan will gobble up the skinny Robin Van Persie. The only thing left to worry about is a moment of brilliance from the mercurial Wesley Sneijder. As mentioned above, the Oranje defense has been porous to teams such as Japan and Slovakia, so how will they handle Robinho, Kaka, and Luis Fabiano? Position by position the Dutch are equaled or over-matched, especially in goal, at right back, and center back, and their attack looks frozen compared to the fluidity of those in the yellow shirts.

Daave-Netherlands over Brazil

The yellow and green completely shut down the middle of the field against Chile. Luckily, the Dutch have a player in Arjen Robben who loves to strike from the wing. I think he'll be the difference maker in this one, especially since he has found his World Cup sea legs. Brazil has been great so far, but there seems to be something missing from this group. This is the quarterfinal match I am most looking forward to.

Uruguay v Ghana

RGaucho-Uruguay over Ghana on penalties

Don't expect too much from this match. By this point, teams are what they are, and what these teams have are terrific defense squads that count on only a couple star players to take advantage of another team's lapses. Unfortunately, I don't think either team will provide the lapses necessary for the other to score. I could look pretty dumb if Johnathan Mensahs yellow card suspension ends up hurting Ghana's defense, but I think they have enough quality to make up for it. And on the other end; as much as it hurts to say, Diego Lugnao and Uruguay have much more quality at the back than the U.S. and simply won't allow Ghana to strike right up the middle. So why Uruguay on pk's? It's just a hunch, or perhaps I'm still remembering their U-20 side wasn't that great at them despite beating Brazil for the championship last summer.

cornezinho-Ghana over Uruguay 2-1

This could be a boring game. Stifling defenses, packed midfielders, and strikers waiting to spring the counter attack. Despite some structure from their Serbian coach, Milovan Rajevac, Ghana is prone to making errors in marking at the back, and when you hand Diego Forlan one of those opportunities he will punish you (unlike Robbie Findley). That being said, Ghana has some solid option going forward. Asamoah Gyan is in good form, Kevin-Prince Boateng will be fit for the game, and Prince Tagoe should be back to start. They are missing Jonathan Mensah and Andre Ayew in the back and middle, respectively, but have plenty of suitable replacements in Lee Addy, Sulley Muntari, and Stephen Appiah. The Black Stars will do just enough things right to be the first African team to reach a World Cup semifinal.

Daave-Uruguay over Ghana

I have been surprised about how passive Ghana has been at times in this tournament. It seems as if they rely to much on the counterattack. That may work against pressing teams with weaker defenses such as the USA and Australia, but Uruguay has only allowed one goal in the tournament and Diego Lugano has been rock solid in the back. The absence of Andre Ayew and Jonathan Mensah (both with suspension) doesn't help.

Come back tomorrow for reviews of Saturday's games